Erin Gets Contacts

Little did I realize my need for some new glasses would lead me to actually consider contact lenses.

But here I was, ready to try something new, to overcome the annoyance of having GLASSES: to clean the smudges, deal with scratched lenses, forgetting to pull them out of my backpack left in the car... glasses GOOD RIDDANCE. I am ready for FREEDOM AND JOY with CONTACTS!

The appointment set for this morning at 10:20am, I was ready to rock! I went through the rigors of an eye exam, got an updated prescription from the optometrist doctor on site but then...

The reality set in. As I sat in front of a helpful certified optician, getting "trained" in how to put in and take out contacts... I realized that I was simply replacing one annoyance with a new one: Learning to shove a small piece of wet plastic into my eye without adhering to the bodies natural instinct to blink from such an atrocious act.

"It's ok, you are really doing well. Men have it the toughest. They aren't used to putting stuff like make up and things near their eyes. It's a lot easier for women." says Mark, the optician.

Oh, THAT's encouraging.

"Some people, it takes like 45 minutes. Others have had to come back weeks later to try again."

Great. I am really motivated now. Remembering I am pastor and trying to learn from my handy man "fan" experience... I try to be as patient as a little lamb in a pasture full of lilies... ok, you get the point.

After several minutes (not 45 minutes mind you) I finally get the right eye in. And after a few attempts, get the left eye in. Blur, blur, rotate eye up, left, right... good. Hmmmm, does this really help?

"OK, now we have to make sure you can take it out before you leave - here is how to do it."

Ahhhhh, I just got these things in and now I have to SHOW I can take one out. Be the lamb in the lilies... be the lamb in the lilies...

After SEVERAL more minutes, I finally... miraculously... use a pincer motion with my thumb and forefinger and cusp the skin-thin plastic out of my eye feeling almost as satisified as a Dallas Cowboy touchdown.

YESSSS! I am getting the hang of --

"OK great, now will rinse this a bit with your solution and you can put it back in so we can send you on your way."

Great... this sucks.


Auntie Carol said...

Erin, you describe it all so well!
Think of Auntie Betty who has used contacts since High School...what perseverance!
One tip I learned, never lick those lenses to wet them.

A tip from a non-contact lens wearer!

love, Mama

Chris said...

ya, itll be nothing to you in not time. I barely notice its become so routine and its WAY better than the glasses issues.

Jack Dunn said...

Jamming stuff into your eyes is indeed a half-shade better than stuffing metalic ceiling fan components into small electrical sockets on your ceiling, I always say... I think...